I Was Terrified of Birth. Here's What Changed.

I was absolutely terrified of giving birth.

Not nervous. Not a bit anxious. Terrified. The kind of scared where you do not let yourself think about it too much because every time you do, it takes your breath away.

I want to be honest about that, because I think there is sometimes an assumption that hypnobirthing is for people who were always fairly calm about birth. People who did yoga, ate well, breathed deeply through everything and just needed a bit of extra polish on their already sorted mindset.

That was not me. Not even close.

Before I knew any of this

My first pregnancy was a whirlwind. Like a lot of people getting pregnant wasn't as easy as I had always thought it would be, but when I finally was, it was exciting and terrifying in equal measure, and there was so much information coming from every direction that I mostly just tried to keep up.

I went to the midwife appointments. I read the books. I did the 'how to look after a baby' class. I felt reasonably prepared for the practical stuff. The bag was packed, the car seat was fitted, I had downloaded roughly seventeen apps.

But in terms of actually preparing for birth itself? I hadn't, not really.

I knew it was going to be painful. I thought I knew what comfort measures I wanted, or didn't want more accurately. But honestly my main concern was I wanted the baby out safely at the end of it. Beyond that, I did not have much of a framework for what to expect, how to cope, or what I actually wanted from the experience.

So when the time came, I went in hoping for the best, with no real tools and a lot of unexpressed fear sitting in my body.

It was hard. It was long. I felt overwhelmed and out of control for most of it. I came out the other side with a beautiful baby and a lot to process.

And for a while, I just got on with it. Because that is what you do.

The bit nobody talks about

I did not have what would be formally diagnosed as birth trauma. But I did not feel good about my birth either. I found myself avoiding conversations about it. I would change the subject when other new mums started sharing their stories. I did not really want to think about what had happened, which made it harder to process.

When I got pregnant the second time, the fear came back almost immediately. Bigger, if anything. Because now I knew what was coming.

Research tells us this is incredibly common. Women with a history of a difficult or frightening birth experience are significantly more likely to experience fear and anxiety in a subsequent pregnancy. ¹ And yet most of them never say it out loud, because there is an unspoken pressure to just be grateful and get on with it.

It was a friend who first mentioned hypnobirthing. And I will be honest, my first reaction was sceptical. I pictured someone being put under and floating away while their body did something completely separate from their conscious mind. It sounded a bit out there. A bit to woo woo for me.

But as the pregnancy progressed on I found a leaflet in a scan clinic, I started reading and I was so onboard with the kind of birth preparation it was talking about, then I read the course name...Hypnobirthing. So of course I had to actually look into it properly! And what I found was nothing like what I had expected.

What I actually learned

Hypnobirthing, the way I learnt it and the way I now teach it, is not about switching off or floating away. It is about being really, genuinely present in your birth, but from a place of calm rather than fear.

It started with understanding the fear tension pain cycle. The idea that fear causes the body to tense, that tension restricts the muscles that need to work during labour, and that this directly affects how birth feels. ² I had never heard this explained before. It changed everything about how I understood what had happened the first time.

Then I learnt about the hormones involved. How oxytocin, the hormone that drives labour, is produced in conditions of warmth, safety and calm. How adrenaline actively works against it. How the environment you are in, the way you are spoken to, the lights in the room, all of these things genuinely affect how your labour progresses. ³

I learnt breathing techniques that I practised until they were automatic. I learnt how to use visualisation to keep my nervous system settled. I learnt how to write birth preferences that actually communicated what I wanted. And my partner learnt how to support me, not just in a hold my hand and look encouraging way, but in a genuinely informed, useful way.

I had never felt so prepared for anything in my life.

My second birth

I am not going to tell you it was painless, because that would not be true and I do not believe in sugarcoating things.

But I went into it feeling calm. I understood what my body was doing at every stage. When things got intense, I had tools I could reach for. My breathing kept me grounded. My husband knew exactly what to do. And the people around me knew what I wanted because I had communicated it clearly beforehand.

When it was over, I did not feel like I had survived something. I felt like I had done something. There is a big difference.

I cried, but not because I was relieved it was over. I cried because I was proud. Because I had not expected to feel that way. Because for the first time I understood what people meant when they described birth as empowering rather than just something to endure.

And I remember thinking: why does not everyone know about this?

Why I started Nurtured Birth and Beyond

I could not shake that question. Why does not everyone know about this?

The answer is partly just awareness. Hypnobirthing still has an image problem. It still gets lumped in with the more shall we say crystals and whale sounds end of the birth preparation world, and a lot of people dismiss it without ever looking at what it actually involves.

But the other part of the answer is that birth preparation in general is not treated with the seriousness it deserves. We prepare for everything else. We do a lot to prepare for parenthood after the baby arrives. But the actual birth, one of the most physically and emotionally significant experiences of a person's life, often gets a two hour class and a leaflet.

I trained as a hypnobirthing teacher because I wanted to change that. Not for everyone, I am realistic about my reach. But for the people who come through my door in Cullercoats, or who join me online, or who find this blog at 11pm when they cannot sleep and they are scared of what is coming.

For them, I want to be the person who says: it does not have to be like that. You can feel different about this. You have more influence over your experience than you think.

If you are scared right now

If you are reading this at some late hour, feeling anxious about your birth, I want you to know a few things.

Your fear makes complete sense. Birth is a big deal. You have probably been absorbing frightening stories and dramatic depictions of labour your whole life. Of course you are scared. That is not a character flaw. It is a very logical response to the information you have been given.

Fear is not a fixed state. It responds to knowledge. The more you understand how birth actually works, the biology, the hormones, the stages, the less terrifying it becomes. Not because you are pretending it is easy, but because it stops being a vast unknown and starts being something you understand. ⁴

You can prepare for this in a way that actually helps. Not just practical preparation. Emotional and mental preparation. The kind that means you go into your birth with tools in your hands, not just hope in your heart.

And you do not have to do it the way I did my first birth. You do not have to just go in and hope for the best.

Come and have a chat

I specialise in bespoke 1:1 hypnobirthing courses in Cullercoats, North Tyneside, as well as online sessions for people who need flexibility. Every course is tailored to you, your concerns, your history, your birth preferences. If your first birth was difficult, we can talk about that too. Processing what happened before and building a different framework for this time is something I weave into every course.

There is no pressure and no hard sell. But if any of this has resonated with you, I would love to have a conversation.

Have a look at what is included in the courses, or drop me a message. I went from terrified to genuinely excited. I think you can too.

Bex x

References

1. Størksen, H.T. et al. (2013). Fear of childbirth and associated risk factors in first and second time mothers. ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3842659
2. Dick-Read, G. (1942). Childbirth Without Fear. The fear tension pain cycle. rcm.org.uk
3. Buckley, S. (2015). Hormonal Physiology of Childbearing. childbirthconnection.org
4. Seng, J. et al. (2013). Post-traumatic stress disorder obstetric complications and birth outcomes. ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23327283

‍