Guest Blog by Marie – Specialist in Birth Reflection and Support

Thank you for giving me this opportunity to introduce myself. My name is Marie and I have recently left the NHS after 20 years as a midwife, including time as Head of Midwifery. I have always been drawn to the more complex and challenging side of pregnancy and found my ultimate reward in supporting parents and families when things hadn’t gone as well as we may have hoped. I have investigated many complex legal cases, reviewed numerous serious incidents and have an excellent understanding of how to get the answers you deserve.

This is my passion. I have seen so many times the effect on families after the baby is born and then the funding and midwifery care abruptly falls away.  I have also seen the transformative power of explanation, expert insights and answers.

No matter how straightforward you think your birth has been there will be moments of blur and confusion and the entire transition to parenthood is socially constructed to be minimised and diminished because ‘at least you have a healthy baby’. A specialised birth reflection can bring closure, answers and healing.

I truly believe every birth story deserves to be heard and understood. I’m ready to listen when you are and provide an expert, specialised service that goes beyond reassurance.

Speedy second-time births – a gift for student midwives but what about the women?

Anyone who has been within a mile radius of a student midwife will probably be aware of the magical number 40. Once upon a time in years gone by, 40 was decided upon as the magical number of ‘normal births’ (a discussion about what ‘normal’ actually means is the topic for another blog) that a student midwife has to participate in before they can qualify as a registered midwife. There are also a host of other targets and numbers to be signed off and achieved before registration but for some reason, the 40 births is the one that seems to generate the most conversation, and dare I say it, competition.

A Tuesday on the Labour Ward

Picture the scene… two second-year student midwives are working on the labour ward and the phone rings to alert the midwife in charge of a multip* coming in, in labour. I promise you I have felt the immediate tension in the air…the bargaining starts of how many births the students have each got…all possible reasons why they should be chosen to be the perfect choice to look after this woman are offered. And this is why… second time babies are notoriously quick and straightforward. Obviously, this is not always the case, but it is the case often enough to make a multip in labour very appealing to a student midwife, desperate for their 40 births.

A different side to the same coin

I now invite you to picture another aspect of the same scene. A woman, having her second baby, starts to have labour pains whilst at home, around lunchtime. The memories of her first, long labour are suddenly brought sharply back into focus (nothing like the first contraction to suddenly remind you what lies ahead). Memories of going to the labour ward with her first baby, feeling in absolute agony, only to be told ‘things haven’t properly started yet’, being offered some paracetamol and sent home. But this labour feels powerful. But it felt powerful last time too but she was told it hadn’t really started… so it’s probably the same this time. So she tries to distract herself. But within in an hour the sense of a rapidly progressing, efficient labour is no longer ignorable. Perhaps there are even intermittent urges to push with some contractions. So the woman calls her husband, and he starts to make his way home from work…

Back to the Labour Ward

Fast forward another hour and the woman arrives at the doors of the labour ward, greeted by whichever eager student midwife won the battle to look after her and by this time her body is firmly in control and beginning to birth. People are looking for a wheelchair, urgent voices about what room, can someone find some gas and air…and the rest is a blur until there is a wet and wriggly baby on your chest.

Words sometimes speak louder than actions

I want to take a moment to consider the language that is often used in these cases and what messages that they send. “You’re so lucky”, “wow, there wasn’t any time for any pain relief”, “you must be delighted”, “he wasn’t hanging around was he?!”. I appreciate that some people will genuinely feel delighted with this scenario, and that is, of course wonderful and ok! But some of the most repressed trauma has been from cases similar to this.

Labour is a transition phase, a time between being pregnant, and holding your baby as a new parent. There are natural, physiological gaps in the process to allow for the transition to occur. When this process is accelerated these gaps are shortened and it can be a shocking, powerful, overwhelming and sometimes traumatising experience. It is not always pleasant or easy to surrender yourself to what your body knows how to do, no matter how ‘natural’ the process is. I have had nights on the bathroom floor where my body ‘naturally’ knew exactly what it was doing with food poisoning, but it didn’t make it a pleasant experience.

When we use words like ‘lucky’, ‘speedy’, ‘natural’ we unintentionally create a space where women can’t admit that they hold trauma. That is why, at Little Light Support, I see women who struggle to make contact with me because, as far as they are concerned ‘nothing bad happened’ and they feel unjustified in wanting to understand what happened to them. Together we review notes, listen to their story and piece together the missing parts. I create permission to feel sad, guilty, cheated, brushed aside.. or whatever negativity may be there. It is also important to realise that you can be delighted with your healthy baby and also feel dissatisfied with your birth at the same time. These feelings are justified in co-existing. I have worked with many women and families who have benefitted so much from the clarity gained from a birth debrief or a birth reflection. It allows for the circle to be closed, snippets of jumbled information to be pieced together and clarified and, more importantly, for you to be heard and healed.

I want to hear your story and I’m ready to listen when you are ready to tell it.

*A multip is the midwife-speak for a multiparous woman ,i.e. someone who has had a baby before

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